Orphanic Deception

In a desperate attempt to turn back time, I tried something that was close to what could be time travel. While this may trigger some of you, I do not mean actually cutting through space and time to reverse the clock. No. Instead I tried having a dish that I used to make almost everyday a few years back. I thought maybe that would make me feel like I’m somewhere back there.  You know how certain smells or when you look at certain objects- you get this weird feeling of nostalgia. Yes. I was going for that. But apparently even that is failing me. My noodles took me nowhere. It made me feel nothing close to nostalgic. I felt devastated because that was my only hope left. I was a fricking tome bomb at this point, waiting for someone to pull the damn trigger. It’s not like I cannot do it on my own. I just know that will be the most troublesome thing I can ever do to the people who love me. And I do not need to be the reason shit go down in anyone’s life anymore.  But when life pulls...

I am in ruins. I am haunted by my past. The walls that I build so hard and with so much care is crumbling down. It is paving a new path- one that I am afraid to take. I am haunted by living beings. Honestly, at this point I just might take a ride with the ghosts- they seem much more comfortable than the real world. Like those pretend walls that is breaking down, my heart is draining itself of the only thing that’s keeping it alive. My body is exhausted from alluding to the dreams and nightmares of everyone around. Apparently I sound much better when I am voicing others. My thoughts aren’t open for all- they aren’t what people like to hear. My thoughts are scarred just like me. They have taken space over reality, indulging in all of the bloodthirsty cries, making me instead a bucketful of lies- lies I keep telling, lies I keep living. What I want is for this to stop. For all my painstaking efforts to draw a blank. For all my thoughts to simply vanish into thin air. To be numb. To be not...