In Ruins

I am in ruins. I am haunted by my past. The walls that I build so hard and with so much care is crumbling down. It is paving a new path- one that I am afraid to take. I am haunted by living beings. Honestly, at this point I just might take a ride with the ghosts- they seem much more comfortable than the real world. Like those pretend walls that is breaking down, my heart is draining itself of the only thing that’s keeping it alive. My body is exhausted from alluding to the dreams and nightmares of everyone around. Apparently I sound much better when I am voicing others. My thoughts aren’t open for all- they aren’t what people like to hear. My thoughts are scarred just like me. They have taken space over reality, indulging in all of the bloodthirsty cries, making me instead a bucketful of lies- lies I keep telling, lies I keep living.


What I want is for this to stop. For all my painstaking efforts to draw a blank. For all my thoughts to simply vanish into thin air. To be numb. To be nothing but a name. A name that lived. A name that loved. A name that got lost in the dreams and nightmares of everyone around.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Prologue to Untitled

How ever am I supposed to make meaning out of what I write every day, every-time I think of you, or of the one that is hiding behind the shadows of my own making. I wrote the previous poem out of a haze. My mind is still running in that maze. Trying to make sense of why I would even think of burying myself for a person I did not even remember. I wrote those lines tailing on a long forgotten phrase of emotions I had even forgotten existed. I came for another purpose, I was forcefully halted on the precious post, on those first two lines. Something that I kept in my archives for god knows how long. And I couldn’t move on unless I give something to it. Something for those words to feed on. Something for those emotions to put a blanket on. I do not even know what I am protecting. My feelings of last summer or my thoughts of every waking hour. But these lines meant something to me. Even if it was way behind my lifeline, even when I had come a long way from that past-time, I felt something t...
Read more

Untitled.

I have been seeing you everywhere I have been imagining your scent washing over me From day one and till this very second I could think of you all the time And yet fall over stupid oneliners you failed to make I could hate you for all that you did to me And still love you till the earth drops I never wanted closure, I wanted you I never wanted to let go, I wanted to cling to you Making you feel the weight I carry For all the times you made me worry You would never know how often I hurt How often I bore the urge to dig up a hole And bury myself in it Not to take my own life, and not to hide  But just so that you would know How I felt whenever you ran away From me.
Read more

Untrust the Disappearance

  I live in a world where I can escape from time unknown to places strange and fitting for my darkness. Corners perfect for my whims and wisps of drama. A spotless world of imperfections and clouded dreams where you are welcome to stay or leave. But I suggest the latter, for it gets darker and harder to breathe like the insides of the sea deep below. Well then again, who am I to judge who can or cannot breathe well underwater. Maybe, just maybe they are better swimmers than someone who has only swam once in her life and that too barely. I am her. She is me. This is a line we hear one too many times these days but I cannot stop myself from doing the same. Oh it even rhymes! Well the phonetic in the middle of both days and same rhymes, I think. And I am drifting away from the starting. But then again, how do you start when you live in a world that is upside down. Do you just begin from the end? That sounds dramatic and clearly not what I am going for right now. There is no start in m...
Read more