Orphanic Deception

 He saw it the second I posted it. And for some reason, all my feelings that I thought had vanished came back all at once. It was nothing peculiar-the post that is. It was nothing related to what I felt for him. It was in no way a message for him. I had not intended for this to be seen as a love poem or a confession that never truly confesses. It was merely a fun post and was aimed at a friend rather than him. But he saw it first and for some frickin’ reason, I can’t hold back my racing heart. I am excited, I am thrilled for absolutely nothing, really. But I am at the top of the world- I am ecstatic and my heart won’t stop thumping. It is an endless race inside my head, at an even more chaotic pace in my heart. I thought you stopped whatever it was you had with him and yet why would you feel this, today of all days? I thought you had finally realised that it was stupid, hoping for him to look back at you and yet why are you still waiting? Why would you look at someone who is obviou...

  The first drop of rain fell Off a branch and onto a leaf Dancing a pretty one along its veins Much like your heart did to mine. The first time you held my hand If nothing for a stupid dare Caressing the back of it a pretty while.  The first time it showered For God knows how long Mixing tunes that went offhill Much like your heart did to mine.  The first time tears traced  Down my face and on your shoulder  It hurt and yet comfort hovered.  The first time the snow fell The tiny flake dropping so low Oddly cold and satisfyingly warm Much like your heart did to mine.  The first embrace we shared If nothing but a compromise Holding on as if it is the last time.  The first time the blossoms shed Slowly peeking at death Speaking words of woes and love Much like your heart did to mine.  The first honest talk that held us Binding us together until dawn Until dusk finds us back in each others arms. 

  You have been staring. Correction, You have been gazing. You thought I would not know, Or maybe You knew I knew. Just maybe, you were teasing me. And I fell, like a fool, all over again, I fell hard and heels over head. It was like this for me, wrong side up. And I am pretty damn sure It was not like this when you first sang. You have been following me. No, You have been walking past Almost coincidentally,  You thought I would think, Or maybe you thought wrong. You were coughing up a story, Your friend charading hints at me. And I did not not sway, for I fell again. Maybe a little slower than before. But I am pretty damn sure It was not like this when you first sang. You have been waiting for me. Patiently. Or you have been lying, Again. With those eyes that looked empty, And that smile that gave no secrets. I would never know, you thought. Then again, how well do you know I just was a better pretender. You want to thank me. For not making your last days fade into smoke. And...

  Some days darkness glitch in front of my closed eyes, while others go by in a prolonged second. The latter has me longing for more like the last time I saw you in the most surreal dream I have had in a while. The crowd kept growing. Where it was supposed to be a simple roadside event turned into a huge show with a stage and loud speakers. They hurt but I could not care less. I was with friends, with people I haven’t met in a long time and others that are sleeping beside me right now. The crowd is louder now and getting thicker. I could not hear the sounds emanating from the stage. I could not even recognise the genre being performed but they seemed to enjoy it. I wasn’t listening. I was waiting, for god knows how long and for what. I didn’t have a clue until you called for me. From where, is still darkness in my head but you called and I heard that perfectly. Without even realising it, I was already standing behind you and then beside you. My seat was taken and I was left standin...