For the First Time in a Long Time.

 You have been staring.

Correction, You have been gazing.

You thought I would not know,

Or maybe You knew I knew.

Just maybe, you were teasing me.

And I fell, like a fool, all over again,

I fell hard and heels over head.

It was like this for me, wrong side up.

And I am pretty damn sure

It was not like this when you first sang.

You have been following me.

No, You have been walking past

Almost coincidentally, 

You thought I would think,

Or maybe you thought wrong.

You were coughing up a story,

Your friend charading hints at me.

And I did not not sway, for I fell again.

Maybe a little slower than before.

But I am pretty damn sure

It was not like this when you first sang.

You have been waiting for me.

Patiently. Or you have been lying,

Again. With those eyes that looked empty,

And that smile that gave no secrets.

I would never know, you thought.

Then again, how well do you know

I just was a better pretender.

You want to thank me.

For not making your last days fade into smoke.

And I am pretty damn sure

It was not like this when you first sang.

You have been hiding from me.

Error. You have been in hiding for a while.

Now you will be gone,

Away from me and all that is dear.

For, once you looked back,

And caught me staring.

You were smiling, you knew.

And for the last time, you looked at me,

Smiling, again. And I did not look away,

For I did not know how to.

I have been praying in pain and again.

Hoping you would one day feel,

What I felt for a whole month.

Hoping you would come back,

In flesh and bones and stand on that stage,

And sing me a song, just for me.

So that I can fall in love, All over again.

With the you that made me feel not guilty,

For the first time in a long time.